What
do we expect of our Headquarters – and are we being realistic?
I was
pondering a list of all the things which I’ve heard people say recently that
they think Headquarters should be dealing with (not to mention the ones which
‘someone’ should deal with, which in most cases - implies UK Headquarters
anyway).
Publishing
guidelines/safety rules for every adventurous activity worldwide that any unit
might possibly consider trying, and any which may be invented/go ‘from
obscurity to fad’ in the foreseeable. To
cover all available variations on these activities, natch. (e.g. indoor traversing walls where no-one
climbs higher than 1 metre off the ground and the floor is padded - but no
ropes/harnesses are used, swimming pools where the maximum depth is under 5’,
tent/building hybrids such as yurts or tented villages where other than the
walls being fabric the facilities are no different to those of a building,
trampolines used in combination with bungee harnesses, etc . . .).
Check
the copyright status of every challenge badge and pack (and every word of the
text/ every image used on every page therein) on behalf of the creators. Even if they can’t quite remember where they
photocopied that wordsearch from. And of
course, taking on full legal responsibility, UK and worldwide, if anything in a
pack or badge is questioned by copyright holders thereafter, or the badge
creators are sued for breach of copyright - in which case headquarters would
naturally pay the fines ensuing, replace the badges which had to be destroyed,
and cover the loss of income incurred in the intervening period while the badge
was off the market. The money for
covering such costs to be found without any increase in the member
subscriptions, natch.
Produce
uniform which simultaneously both fits and flatters every single age and every
single size combination, launders to perfect condition in all circumstances,
and caters for all personal tastes and preferences in relation to fit, colour
and fabric, all at a price which competes with the largest and least
ethics-conscious of the high-street shops, yet without any dilution in the
manufacturing and finishing quality, nor in the fair conditions provided to all
workers involved in all stages of the manufacturing process. And is simultaneously equally suitable for
survival skills sessions, winter sports, water sports, formal parades and the
Royal Garden Party, for the height of summer and the depths of winter and all
climatic conditions in-between (for both the UK, and all BGIFC locations too),
and catering for all cultural/health needs, all in one budget garment.
Have
sufficient stocks of every shop product to fulfil all last-minute orders within
24 hours, 365 days a year, including specials like anniversary items being
available through to the very last day of the anniversary year (but to sell out
on the dot of midnight on that last day).
We don’t want to see large stocks left over which have to be sold off at
cost price in order to free up expensive warehouse space).
Create
and maintain all IT systems 24/7, 365 - with instant response to any error
messages or complaints at all hours.
Assisting people with a range of IT ability levels, and varying levels
of IT access, both across the UK and in a number of countries around the world,
using a range of different IT systems, and network connections ranging from
high-speed broadband to hand-cranked dial-up, to those with no IT knowledge or
access at all. Any system updating
should never involve taking any system offline however temporarily – and where
this is absolutely necessary, a three-month information campaign should be run
across all channels, with regular reminders in the run up – and whilst the
system is offline the information should constantly be updated on exactly when
it will next be available, together with an emergency back-up option.
Provide
instant responses to every media story related to Guiding which appears in the
national and local press, and provide instant equivalent copy to any media
story issued by/related to Scouting (but similar effort for other youth
organisations is not required, we don’t care a jot what coverage any other
youth organisations get).
Produce
rules which are to be strictly applied to every other member of the
organisation with no flexibility permitted whatsoever - but supplied with
generous quantities of high-grade elastic when being applied to oneself,
naturally.
Commission
and produce a wide range of publications, providing full printed copies thereof
for free (both free printing, and free post/packing – payment for the
production costs to come from thin air).
Also turn a blind eye to widespread breaches of their own copyright by members,
including for members’ commercial gain.
At the same time, issue exactly the right number of copies of all
documents to each member – neither to many nor too few – whilst acknowledging
that one copy per member may not be the right number . . .
Produce
policies which fit simultaneously within the different legal and educational
frameworks applying in England & Wales, Northern Ireland, and Scotland –
and are also adaptable to the laws of a range of countries abroad served by
BGIFC. Yet which suit the preferences
and needs of every member too.
Create
and regularly update a range of programmes and resources adapted to each
section, suitable for use in locations across the UK, both urban and rural,
with varying facilities and finances, and varying first languages – but also
adaptable to a range of countries abroad.
Again, all these to be produced, printed and issued free, with the cost
of research, drafting, printing and production coming from thin air.
Answer
every query about the rules and their local application, however minor and
non-urgent, regardless of the existence of County and Country/Region Advisers
who would often be far better placed to advise on the specialist rules within
their subject area than the general admin staff at CHQ would be, and regardless
of the written Manual which is freely available to all online. After all, there should be a team of staff
whose sole responsibility is providing a 24-hour helpline for manual queries. Free, of course.
And
many more demands too, many of them seemingly somewhat unrealistic even if we
employed a staff of hundreds at Headquarters (which of course, we don’t). But this naturally all to be achieved within
existing budgets, because the members do not want to see any rise in the annual
subscription rate, indeed would strongly support a cut in the said fees. Oh yes, the members certainly want to both
have their cake, and eat it.
Yet –
Headquarters has a comparatively small staff, and (particularly given they are
based in central London), those staff are not well paid compared to equivalent
charitable organisations in that locality, as any glimpse at their job vacancy
adverts will confirm. And to what extent
do we do our share to help keep down the cost of running Headquarters, by only
approaching them about those few things which actually do fall within the
staff’s responsibilities (which, naturally, is few of the long list of things
listed above)? Do we return our forms
and fees on time, in the format requested?
Do we communicate clearly, concisely and politely, and do we avoid
having several different topics on one message so it doesn’t have to be passed
from department to department with the risk of it straying en route? Do we pause to consider whether our requests
are genuinely reasonable and realistic ones before making them? Do we ensure the views we present to
Headquarters represent a significant number of the members, not just ourselves,
and perhaps a couple of our close pals (are you sure the ‘silent majority’
would agree, or even that they exist at all)?
And, perhaps most importantly - do we only send on to Headquarters those
queries which cannot possibly be dealt with locally at District, Division,
County or Country/Region level – have those levels all already confirmed they
cannot help with the issue and recommended that it be referred to
Headquarters?
Of
course we don’t. We demand the right to
go straight to ‘the top’ with any and every query, major and minor alike,
whether it is their job to have the answer to hand or not. Then we complain if they do not respond
instantly. Like patients who call an
ambulance for every broken fingernail and stubbed toe just because they can, so
some Leaders take the view that as our subscriptions help pay for the
Headquarters and it’s staff, we have the right to utilise their services for
every query or question that occurs whether it’s relevant to take it straight
to them or not.
We’re
perfectly reasonable and realistic.
Aren’t we?
