Children
nowadays have a lot less independence than they used to have. Most don’t get to play outside until the
street lights come on, most are ferried to school by car rather than walking
there and back. Free time is spent
either in organised classes or in the house.
I’m not interested in getting into an argument about whether the past
was the good old days of freedom, or indeed, whether they were eras when
neglected children were left to roam wild, for that is a whole other
argument. Though it had it’s downsides,
one upside was that children had to learn to be self-reliant. They had to work out ways to occupy
themselves, often relying on their own imagination in the absence of many
‘bought’ toys, because the adults didn’t organise their entertainment for
them. If they had a problem, they had to
solve it for themselves initially, there wasn’t an adult on the spot to step in
and take charge. In these modern times
when many children don’t go anywhere without their mobile phone connecting them
directly to adults, are ferried everywhere by car rather than ever walking by
themselves, spend increasing amounts of time in the house playing alone rather
than being outdoors with neighbouring children – their scope for self-reliance
has been massively eroded. Many children
today have little experience of making decisions unaided and then living with
the consequences, or of having to use their imagination to occupy themselves
and others in the absence of many toys or gadgets, of being part of a gang of
friends who live near each other and play together most evenings and learn to
get on or not as the case may be - because most of their friends or potential
friends are either away at hobby sessions every afternoon and evening, or in
their own houses – if they aren’t themselves.
Hence the default reaction for most of the children to any problem which
arises – is to look to the nearest adult to deal with it for them, and if there
isn’t an adult at hand, then the sole thought is to find one as soon as
possible.
What
does that mean for us as Leaders in Guiding?
Well, it means that we have to be aware of this change, and of the
implications for our programmes. We can
be faced with children, (and yes, sometimes with parents too) who genuinely
struggle to handle being told that they have to choose whether to sew badges on
the uniform, and if they do choose to, they have to choose for themselves
whereabouts – because we do not supply diagrams or guidance, and we do not tell
them what choice to make. We demand that
they decide for themselves. They are
shocked, they are surprised, and yes, some are genuinely frightened. Why is it that Guiding makes this demand,
when some parents would clearly prefer to be told what to do? Simply because it is actually a decision with
very few long-term implications. If they
try a layout and it doesn’t work – the badges can easily be unpicked and
moved. The decision they make needn’t be
permanent or even semi-permanent, it is in every sense, a small decision. But – if you practice making small decisions,
if you become accustomed to making them regularly, it will make it easier when
the bigger decisions of life come along which do have significant impacts. Today, decide whether to sew the County badge
on the sleeve of your Guide hoody or on a camp blanket. Tomorrow, decide whether to hang out with the
popular crowd from school even though you often aren’t comfortable with what
they do? Yes, that could easily be.
If the
girls are so unused to making any decisions for themselves, does it
matter? Well yes, I’d say it does,
because I reckon decision making is an important life skill which everyone
needs to develop from an early age. Life
is always going to be full of choices both big and small, insignificant and
life-changing – small ones like which clothes to put on this morning, what to
have for breakfast, whether to walk or take the bus, whether you will need a
raincoat/umbrella or not – lots of small everyday choices we all have to make
with small implications. But life also throws
up bigger choices – what subjects to study at school in order to stand a chance
of starting a particular type of career, what line of work to aim for, how much
time to devote to studying for exams, what to do on leaving school whether
study or job-hunting, whether to drink alcohol or not, whether to take drugs or
not, when to leave home, who to live with and where, what sort of home to
rent/buy, whether to get married, whether to have children – lots of big and
important decisions which will have long-lasting implications - whether you
make what turns out to be the right choice, or what turns out to be the wrong
one. So I take the view that the more
practice we can let the girls have at making small choices unaided from a young
age, and learning to cope with the outcomes of those small decisions - the
better able to cope they will be when the big decisions of life start to come
along, all too soon. And – their turn at
being adults is coming. Won’t be long
before, in the lines of that classic internet tale, they look around for an
adult to deal with the problem - and suddenly realise that actually, they are
the only adult in the room, and everyone’s looking to them to decide what the
group should do about it!
What
can we do to help? The answer is
simple. Hand over as much of the
decision making in our units to the girls as we can, so they get practice at
discussing pros and cons, handling disagreements or varied opinions, reaching a
conclusion, enacting it, and seeing how it works out. It can start very simply, at the Rainbow
stage, which is meant to be 10% girl-led.
Shall we play game A, or would you prefer game B? Why not let the Rainbows vote sometimes,
rather than always just deciding it for them?
We’ve got a new helper starting next week who will need a Rainbow
name. Could the Rainbows suggest the ideas
for the shortlist the helper chooses from?
We’re having a party next week - should it be uniform, party clothes, or
fancy dress – what do they think? And of
course, there are Roundabout activities to choose, and lots of scope there for
offering the girls choices and encouraging them to think about, and voice,
opinions, ideas, preferences. After all,
even nowadays, little girls all too often aren’t encouraged to speak up for
themselves and express their opinions – and when they do speak up, they don’t
always have their ideas and opinions listened to properly or heeded – can
Rainbow meetings be an exception to that?
By Brownie age they can be taking on more responsibility in the unit,
indeed as much as 25% – choosing activities from the Adventure book, or coming
up with ideas for the unit programme.
Having some say about which girls they want to share a room with on
Brownie holiday – and perhaps which ones they don’t. Doing activities as a Six, and having an
active Sixer who has genuine responsibility for the girls in her Six and the
activities the Six does. Planning some
activities, and having occasional Sixer-run nights. Having regular Pow Wows or other activities
which collect and utilise their ideas, showing that those ideas are listened
to, genuinely considered, and acted upon in some way if they can’t be
completely followed through. For if the
girls’ suggestions are regularly just snubbed or ignored, they’ll soon stop
offering them - and it’s hard to regain that trust once it has been lost.
By
Guide age there should be a rapid expansion in delegation, with Guides meant to
be 50% girl-led – Patrol Meetings, Patrol-organised GFIs, Guides choosing which
Patrol to belong to in the unit, and organising Patrol meetings and activities. Girls encouraged to consider working for
Baden-Powell Award, Commonwealth Award, Patrol Camp Permit, Community Action
Badge etc. As well as unit activities,
there should be opportunities to go to large-scale camps in the UK and attend
International Selections for camps abroad, Patrol Leader Trainings, Scout &
Guide Orchestra and other outwith-unit opportunities. And for Senior Section? It’s 75% girl led, but really, limits do not
exist. Youth Parliaments, Guiding
Forums, Senior Section Groups, SSAGO, POLARIS, DofE, Leadership Training, Adult
Leader Qualifications, voting in national elections, GOLD, gap-year activities
– loads of ways to become involved in decision making, become involved in
making a difference in the community, wide horizons. Lets make the girl-led ratios for each
section be meaningful.
Yes,
in the space of 10 years in Guiding from 5 to 15, we can, and we should, take
the girls in our units right through from simply choosing between game A and
game B, to planning and running a weekend camp for themselves without any adult
aid, or working on a major challenge scheme, or actively campaigning for causes
they believe in, or seeking to learn more about the world they live in and
their place as active citizens in it.
But – all of this entirely depends on us being brave. Brave enough to step back and let the girls
make as many decisions as possible, large and small. Yes, it may be that they take 20 minutes to
discuss, argue, and reach a verdict on something you could have decided for
them in 2 minutes flat with 115 seconds to spare. But that 20 minutes isn’t wasted if it’s time
invested in learning the life-skills of discussing, persuading, bargaining,
seeking compromise and consensus, listening to alternative views, reaching a
conclusion. Yes, in the end they may
choose what we reckon to be the ‘wrong’ option – but will it turn out to be the
wrong option? And even if it does, will
they learn more from experiencing the mistake and it’s consequences, than from
being protected from any adversity or consequence? . . . Yes, from choosing between game A or B right
through to being a national representative in a Youth Parliament, it is Leaders
like you and I who can provide the guidance and experience and opportunities
that open up the path for the girls to confidently handle difficult decisions,
and argue capably for the things they believe in and against the things they
don’t. Or – we can take the easy option,
make all the unit decisions ourselves, and just have the girls ‘turn up and
do’.
What
prompted this thought? A discussion on a
forum asking how people sort out the Patrols for Guide camp. I was shocked to see that the vast majority
of the Leaders who commented - would either sort the Patrols by themselves with
no input sought from the Guides at all – or would only allow each Guide to
submit a couple of names of people they would like to be beside, requests which
may or may not be granted dependent on whether their choices happened to suit
the Leaders’ plans for the Patrols or not.
There were only 2 or 3 amongst over 30 who even considered letting the
Guides try to sort the groups amongst themselves if they could do so
amicably. Most were absolutely certain
that their Guides couldn’t be trusted to sort out fair groups without adult interference,
and would be sure to end up with some Patrols formed of cliques of pals, and
the others containing all those who were not in the clique. So much for girl-led Guiding!
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